Life in the Lowcountry


Delving into the past. It’s a process. Work with me.

She is transported to the past in order to bring you this blog…<insert Wayne’s World ™ deeeedledoooodleeeedeeeedeeeellloooodddoooodddllle here>.

It’s 1993, I’ve graduated, found a job, and basically fulfilled what I thought was my parent’s dream list of : “the things that you do after being educated.” I missed the part about getting married. Damn. One of many dreams that my parents had for me that have yet to come true, through no fault of their own. They just didn’t give the best impression of marriage. Dad’s version: “I married her, it’s FOR LIFE.” Mom’s version: “We got married, we made the family, I am a housewife, FUCK YOU. DON’T DO IT! Drinking is a much better way to deal with it. FOR LIFE.”

I’m being harsh. And snarky. FUCK YOU. I learned it somewhere. Nature vs. Nurture? Not just a theory.

Back to the story, It’s 1993 and I’m a year out of college, a year after or right as “The Real World” featuring Pedro, the AIDS guy who I totally fell in love with even though he was gay and had AIDS and by the end of the season died…”Spoiler Alert too late” he was the shit. I kid a lot but that guy had some heart and opened my eyes to the world. Brought me out of my hometown conservative homophobia to the “Real World”. And that’s what freaking reality TV should be, not this trumped up game of who’s going to screw whom ever else over like there is on TV today. (Or so I hear, I quit watching that stuff an hour ago.)

Again, I digress, but I do have a point, albeit a disturbing point, to make. Consider yourself warned. And intrigued. Although only you can consider yourself intrigued if you genuinely are intrigued, which, to beleaguer the point is something only  you can determine at this point by reading on. So to not further digress I will move on past this beleaguered point.

STEW. Not an acronym for anything, that was his name. He was the first AOL (acronym for America On Line) to seduce me online. He convinced the 20-something version of me to say dirty things to him.  I still have conversations we had saved on a disc somewhere but I cannot fathom how to get them off this freaking 3.5 floppy onto Word. I’m hopeless when it comes to computers. So back to the story, it was titillating, people! I tell you this IM chat was HOT! We did stuff I’m still proud of today. And probably was made mention in Penthouse forums simultaneously. I’m just sayin’ that I was young and horny.  And wanting to be talked about in Penthouse.

So Stew, that guy…he got me all hot and bothered while talking to him on IM. So I agreed to talk to him LIVE and IN PERSON! And he dug my voice. “OOOOOHHHHH what a sexy voice you have, can I stroke my cock to it? Can I make you feel good?” And I’m all like, “Um, stroke your cock all you like, you’re not going to make me feel good while you’re in New Jersey and I’m in California. Fucker.”  – He liked that. I was taken aback at the lack of seriousness. If you want a girl to feel good, FUCKING BE THERE to make her feel good. Don’t talk a game…So clearly Stew was out of the picture at this point. He walked the walk that he was walking… whatever that means. He was done for me. Stop it, I’m smart. Too much so, apparently.

Oh, but Stew story, meant to be something of a lesson. He was apparently some kind of movie previewer in the 90’s and had a thing for young chicks. And he wanted me to send him a pair of my unwashed underwear. GROSS!  So if you know the guy, call him out. Seriously, he sent me inappropriate videotapes, I repeat, “VIDEOTAPES”. He sent an impressionable girl “VIDEOS” which I can’t show ’cause they are on beta. But I digress. As I often do.

My favorite story that I don’t tell: Meeting with Stew. He’s such an enigma. He so totally “got” me that I find it hard to tell this saga. I don’t even think you can call it a “saga” without sounding “facetious” when  speaking of Stew.  Stew isn’t “Stew” in this anecdote, he was actually XXXX, but I don’t think it’s right to call people out when writing about them without their previous knowing of it so I’ll call XXXX, Stew. He’ll probably sue me later but fuck that, I got no money! I GOT NOTHING TO LOSE! And I never mean anything in mean spiritedness, Stew.

OK, done delving into the past. More recent past than my only reader knows about. Tom, want more? let me know. I can fill you in. Think this is entertaining? Please let me know. I am pandering here….



What am I doing here?
July 26, 2008, 10:08 pm
Filed under: Life, Work | Tags: , , , , ,

I don’t even know where to begin. I thought I was meant to be a writer and then I thought I was meant to be a mother and then I thought I was meant to be a writer again…now I am focused on finding an occupation and focused on finding a life. I haven’t thought that I was one to have a life. OKAY, wait, let’s revisit that last statement. OBVIOUSLY I have a life. I’m here…but what am I doing here? Hence the title of the blog. DUH. Still not knowing what I want to talk about. There’s something here I need to say but I’m not finding the words tonight. Maybe tomorrow…hell, I’m unemployed, maybe the words will find me on Monday! I’ve got the luxury of time, baby! The luxury of time…

Sunday night – thinking of what tomorrow will bring. So many opportunities and so many possibilities! I’m out there pounding the pavement again, but with a sense of purpose and destiny instead of a sense of dread and desperation. I think that will make all the difference in the world. I know it will. Meanwhile, I have a lot of time to blog and get some things written that I’ve been making excuses about being too busy to write. HA! Can’t use that now. Thank God! I get time to see if this is what I want to do. YEA!

I have never filed for unemployment before and I’m not sure I know anyone who has. I’m not ashamed of filing for unemployment but it is a new experience and not too friendly, so far. Here’s been my experience: I filed electronically on Wednesday. On Friday I got a packet with lots of documents repeating the same thing over and over and over again, never varying but always repeating. I, being a relatively intelligent person, read all documents given to me as instructed in the first two documents which instructed me to “read all documents before calling in your claim.”

Apparently, and I’m just generalizing based on my experience so far, people who have historically filed for unemployment are out to defraud and swindle the state. There are only a few rules that must be adhered to and/or followed. You must not be making money or more than x amount; You must look for work; You must call in and report that you did or didn’t work, that you made/did not make money and that you did/did not look for work. That’s it. Again, apparently there are a ton of people out there trying to defraud the state. When I called in tonight to report my claim I was asked a series of questions but first they made me wait 15 minutes because of the high volume of calls. First question, what is your SS#? Wow, that was easy. Next question, What is your PIN #? Since I didn’t have one yet, the computer asked me to choose one. I did, and it asked me once again to choose a PIN#. Then the computer instructed me to read the pamphlets I had been given and call back to report my claim. I’m not calling back tonight. I’ve had my share of really bad muzak being played over a shaky connection to a small place in hell where I’m sure they just put you on hold to torture you into not making a claim. I’ll show them. I WILL CALL BACK. HA!